t’s a (potentially embarrassing) fact: most of the world cares about celebrities. We want to know who they’re dating, where they’re going, who their friends are, what they’re really like when they’re not hanging out on the red carpet, or acting behind a camera, or giving interviews to the press.
So, we’re planning an epic soiree to make that happen, Pocket Ranger® style. That’s right, internet: we’re going camping with 7 celebrities. We’ve thought long and hard about who to invite: there are some obvious choices, some not-so-obvious choices, and a couple really not-so-obvious choices. But we’re confident that the eclectic group we’ve assembled will make for an unforgettable trip. And so, to convince you, we will list them, in no particular order.
You know him from Survivorman, the TV series he produces and stars in that airs on the Discovery Channel, which has him wandering through the wilderness every week with no food, shelter, fresh water, or company. This guy’s amazing—he not only survives in the wild for seven days at a time with very minimal supplies, but, according to the Discovery Channel website, he’s “the only producer in the history of television to produce an internationally broadcast series entirely written, videotaped, and hosted alone.” He’s also an in-demand speaker, author, and musician (he’s performed with Jacob Dylan, The Roots, Blues Traveler, and Alice Cooper, among others), so you’ll never get bored sitting around the campfire—he’s got tons of stories to tell and songs to sing. Considering “he’s eaten everything from brains to bugs,” and his outdoor adventure skills are off the metric system, he’s arguably the best guy to go camping with, ever.
Sure, the homemaker/lifestyle icon/businesswoman of crafting and cooking and gardening fame may not seem like the camping kind, but we think she’d be a great asset to the group. Her ability to make anything beautiful will probably make the campground feel like home, especially when you wake up to find your tent decorated with these gourd lanterns and leaf garlands. You’ll have no idea how she had time to do it, and then you’ll see a beautiful picnic laid out, with pumpkin vases as centerpieces and wild herb ravioli already cooked and accompanied by campfire chicken made under a brick with lemons, with toasted marshmallow, charred bread, and banana sticks with chocolate fondue, because you know Martha wouldn’t do “just s’mores.” Her verging-on-glamping territory might even impress Les Stroud, because you know her food’s going to be better than bugs.
Alex will have to leave his suit and tie behind, because he’s a necessary part of our equation for camping fun. Les can sing and speak, and Martha can lead us all in crafting lessons, but what about when those things get old? Alex will take over the entertainment; with his incredible knowledge of, well, everything, he’ll be able to host a pretty spectacular game of Jeopardy-styled trivia for our whole motley crew.
This may seem surprising, but Eva’s not just here for eye candy. The actress and philanthropist famous for her role on Desperate Housewives likes camping; she went on a trip with her ex-husband Tony Parker in Normandy, where they slept in regular ole’ tents. According to People, she’s also an avid hunter, and “learned to shoot at age 4, hunting deer, turkey, quail, and wild pigs on her family’s Texas ranch.” You know that Martha has got to have some great venison, turkey, quail, and pig recipes, and since Les is always so alone out in the wilderness, we’re sure he won’t mind some hunting company.
We’re adding another actor to the mix. To some, he may just be eye candy, but Matthew is actually very into camping. His June 2012 wedding to Camila Alves had a campout theme, and, according to the San Francisco Examiner, “attendees even stayed in tents on Matthew’s property.” He’s lived in a vintage 28-foot Airstream, and has dreams of owning an Airstream Hotel or Compound. He usually plays rugged guys, anyway, so we’re sure he’ll dig all the hiking, fishing, and hunting our camping trip will entail.
Like Les, Bear is one of the most well-known and accomplished adventurers out there. As a young kid, his father taught him to climb, and at 23, he became one of the youngest people to summit Mount Everest, the highest mountain in the world. According to his website, he did it in “over ninety days of extreme weather, limited sleep, and running out of oxygen deep inside the ‘death zone’ (above 26,000 feet).” He’s also made a name for himself on the Discovery Channel, starring in the TV shows Man vs. Wild and Born Survivor. He’s done things like host a dinner party at a table suspended below a hot air balloon at 24,500 feet, make a wetsuit out of a seal hide, and construct a fishing spear out of bamboo. Since he did all of that, a few days out in the wilderness with us will be a breeze (unless he decides to make it more adventurous, which is fine by us) and we’ll all feel great with him looking out for us. Added celebrity bonus: we hear Les may have a bit of a rivalry going with Bear, so having them share a tent could be a cat fight we’d all want to see.
Now, if only these famous people would respond to our invitations (is your e-mail working, guys? you can call us back!), we could get this dream trip going…
What celebrities would you want to go camping with? Do you want to see more installments of this series, including fictional characters or famous people from all time?